Right For Me.

I had an epiphany! *dancing around* <---- in my head, of course.
I am going to dedicate this blog post to my spectacular boyfriend, Isa.

This was influenced by Kela !! Thank you darling..  *smiling extremely hard*
Oh yea. Lemme tell you how and why..

So,

I was reading through some of her previous blog posts about relationships and how ex(es) happened to alter the way you see your new crush/bf.. And that made me realize.. I treat my boyfriend like crap! Honestly, I don't think it is just my exes that are huge factors in that; It is also me as a person. When I am ready, I get overly moody for no reason and flips out on people without giving them a chance to do or say anything. Especially guys. I always think I am right and I get mad when people put me in my place. Especially a boyfriend of mine. Although my previous relationships consisted of me and douchebags, Isa is soo great. Yet, I treat him like he is like the others. I expect him to live up to my high expectations and when he doesn't, I bash him as a whole. fail. I vent after an argument to my best friends and other people and never tell the whole story; just my interpretation which usually leads to things being taken out of context. fail. I make him look like he is such an asshole but.. He does nothing but the best for me and things to keep me happy. I give him such a hard time. fail. He's trying.. And I get mad and forget why I fell in love with him in the first place. He spends so much time with me, he helps me with practically ANYTHING, he expresses to me how much he loves me and will never leave, and it's like I just continue to kick him in the balls.

I'm not being as good as a companion to him as he is to me! I really am not. *sinks lower into bed*

He has never hit me.. Called me out of my name.. Cheated on me.. Lied to me.. Nothing. And I am sure of it. But, I made people think otherwise. I cannot go back and change what I have said nor do I think I could change their minds about him. But, at the end of the day, I know the real Isa. I know he loves me. I know he won't hurt me. I know he will be here for the rest of my life G*d-willingly. I know he is being so sincere and that he is committed to me but, I keep pushing the BEST GUY EVER away. Outside of him being an awesome boyfriend, he is a great person. Friendly. Funny. Wise. G*d-fearing. He values his life, his family, his job.. ME!! He's helpful...LOOK. He's bascially all that I could ever ask for. What the hell am I DOING?! He has not done anything wrong. But, I overthink things and wonder why he is being so great.. Why is he treating me so good.. Why do I even think the relationship is going to suck.. (once again. Thank you Kela.)

Every couple argues and talk major shit but, a simple 'I love you' could change everything. Wait. He has always told me that if I simply tell him I love him and kiss him, he won't be mad anymore. OMGeezzz. Look how many arguments could have been prevented!! Me and my enormous mouth!! Ugh. *slaps forehead*

All I have to say is , I LOVE ISA ALI KHALID SHAMMAKH!!! My beautiful Yemeni man. *giggling* And I need to do (and am willing to do) is improve my girlfriend-ing skills. Don't judge me. When he calls me tonight, I'm going to let my heart pour out like his favorite soda.. Pepsi. What does that have to do with this? I'm so random!

Now, I'll end this post with the gazillion text messages one of my best friends sent me about my epiphany. (I love you Krissy.)

"he loves you through it all.. and in a relationship you guys have to uplift each other on the things that you lack and that he lacks.."
"youre scared to actually be his and be positive because you were rejected when loving or caring for someone.."
"all of this you do unto him is because you never had this kind of love or care in your life someone who wants to make you happy even when you have brought him down.."
"i knew all of this when i first met you and i was waiting for you to come and say something like how isa is waiting for you to love him how he's loving you.."
"he doesnt expect anything but your unconditional love.."
"...let love run its course.."
"you guys have implemented something in each other that will be there for a lifetime.."